I remember feeling the lump in my right breast in the shower. Was it the first time I’d felt it? I can’t remember now, it had been a busy summer, but that moment prompted me to get it checked out. What I wasn’t anticipating was how long it would take to get a cancer diagnosis. 11 months after finding the lump.
It took six weeks to see my family doctor in October 2021, where I finally got some validation – yes, there was a lump that needed checking. She referred me to St. Michael’s Hospital in Toronto, clearly worried about it. I met the surgical oncologist in February 2022. She was understanding but less concerned due to my age – I was 38. She did a clinical biopsy right away.
The result: benign. I was relieved but not entirely convinced, especially when the lump started causing a dull ache in my armpit. I pushed for a follow-up in three months instead of six. More scans, another biopsy – this time the results were atypical, requiring further investigation. An ultrasound-guided biopsy finally confirmed what I’d suspected: cancer.
I remember getting those results in August 2022. My husband waited at a diner nearby due to COVID restrictions. I was in the same consulting room as always, giant stars adorning the floor. As the surgeon walked in, she told me I had cancer. I called my husband immediately – he was on speaker phone as I delivered the news. I had ER+/HER2+/PR- breast cancer. The “good kind,” with well-established treatment protocols.
I had to tell my parents and younger sisters in the UK. I messaged our WhatsApp group saying I needed to speak to them urgently. When they all joined the call, they were expecting good news about a property sale I had going on. Instead, I had to tell them I had breast cancer and would start treatment in the next few weeks. They were stunned. I can’t remember much else about the call but I recall many of these moments where this diagnosis became as much a mental and emotional experience as it was a physical one.
Two weeks before my 39th birthday, I was flung into my cancer journey. I never would have imagined that they could biopsy a lump (twice) and miss the cancer.
The Weight of Fatigue
What I also never anticipated was how fatigue would become my constant companion. Many people believe that treatment makes you feel better, but cancer treatment has the opposite effect. The fatigue wasn’t just being tired after a long day. In my case, I’m waking up feeling light headed while also carrying around a block of concrete on my shoulders. Simple tasks became an effort. Piles of things that needed to be put away were collected around the house, something I would previously have done without even thinking, now another reminder of how life had changed. The emotional turmoil of processing what was happening used just as much energy as any physical activity, if not more.
Some say it takes about two months of recovery for every month of treatment before energy returns to “normal.” Nobody expects that timeline, including me. It’s been 3 years since my diagnosis, 14 months since my last surgery so here’s hoping that I only have 22 months left of recovery!
Finding What Helps (And What Doesn’t)
I’ve experimented with support groups, nutrition, exercise therapy, meditation, and different sleep routines including short naps. The truth is, it’s been trial and error. What works one day might leave me more exhausted the next. What I’ve learned is that managing cancer fatigue isn’t about finding one perfect solution – it’s about having a toolkit of strategies and being gentle with yourself. It sounds so cliché but you can’t fight it, doing so can make it worse, so you learn how to chip away at it in small ways and hope it will become easier in the long run.
It has been so valuable finding the team at Cancer Fatigue Services. They’ve been so encouraging and compassionate, and genuinely want to help you find the right strategies. Most days I’ve really looked forward to my virtual exercise sessions, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that some days I really dreaded it, not wanting to appear miserable or frustrated. They’ve always been accommodating and respectful on my “off days.”
What I’ve Learned
Trust your instincts about your body. You are the only expert on it. When that first biopsy came back benign but something didn’t feel right, I pushed for an earlier follow-up. That instinct was right.
Your timeline is your timeline. Don’t let anyone rush your recovery. It’s been three years since my diagnosis, and I’m still figuring out how to live with fatigue. Give yourself permission to take as long as you need.
To anyone else dealing with cancer fatigue: you’re not alone in feeling exhausted by the very treatments meant to help you. It’s okay to rest when you need to, and it’s okay to have days when you dread the things that are supposed to make you feel better. Find your people – whether that’s Cancer Fatigue Services, a support group, or just one person who truly understands.
